A Secret Believer

Off to Wordpress.

2010-10-05T02:27:00.000-07:00

Indeed. I've predicted the tedious editing and layouts from afar. Regardless, I'll still be hosting my blogs here.
But here's my blog under construction anyway.

Wordpress my nerves.

2010-09-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take a genius to notice that fairly good writers seldom rely on visuals to get their message across. Ads aside, I've been trying to put on the heavyweight writing suit to blow readers away. Reading other copywriters' web posts is a good kick-starter, aside from coffee. Then again, good visuals won't do harm to great writing. I've noticed how wordpress's blog enables more flexible layouts, so I've decided why not sign up for a wordpress account and give it a try. Yoda said "Do or do not. There is no try." which leads me to believe I shouldn't have after all. It's poor web usability ticks me off. But don't take my word for it. When I'm done figuring this out, I'll be all set to leave. There's really nothing in Blogger that says me. Besides, it's far too common among the KL-ites. Everyone has a damn blogger account. This is one of those time where it's okay to switch for the sake of being different. Like the all-in-your-faces iPhone.

You probably aren't aware of this, but our pet hedgehog suffered a high fall just about 3 weeks ago. The fall resulted in what I presumed, to be a broken left (front) leg. As he was limping, it was really painful to watch. Being a typical hedgehog, little bruno is quite the diva. Being defensive is an understatement. Any sudden movements and he'll curl up like a ball of thorns. Sure, he'll hiss and puff to get intimidate us but he's really the one that's scared to death. So little space, so much personality.

The good news however, was that he has miraculously recovered. Able to walk with all four feet again, he's been getting our love and attention more than ever.

Hey look, a sway of topic in just a paragraph. Awesome.

Copyrighter? Copywriter?

2010-08-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

No one knows what a copywriter does. Not even the slightest clue. If another person says I copyright stuff again I will fall on my knees and cry. No scrap that, I’ll make you fall on your knees and cry. Like a wimp.
You could be auditing, or psyching someone to get pay cheques for all I care. I don’t know what the rest of you do, but it sure is fun having to manipulate your senses to believe what I want you to.

It’s every bit if imagery you see. You buy, and participate in things and now, you’re a new man.

It’s that guy that yaps about his iPhone’s features, making you feel like a sore loser every time you show up at your work desk. No, not me, just you. Or that douchebag who swore that he’s a jock and all the chics dig his short neck because he holds a membership card to Fitness First. And it’s not like they’re going to score with a shiny touch-screen phone. Relax, no one’s going to ogle over your phone. Ooh.. Jake, your phone’s making me so hot.
Yeah.

Really, Sexyman_291 and Sir iTalkalot is just an idea to mess around with your minds. Well, at the very base at least. More like, your pockets. Good copywriters can write just about anything and you’re going to read it. We’ll tell you that bacon's the new beef and you’ll buy stacks of those with the money that you don’t have. We’ll make you buy packs of expensive milk powder thinking your 5 year olds are going to grow up healthy and smart because it has the right mix and ingredients of formulas you can’t even pronounce. And the best part is, you don’t know who made you swipe your card for that 10 dollar Eviant bottled water. They’re the copywriters. Who’s laughing now?

It might sound a little over the top, but copywriters are quite the masterminds when it comes to creating beliefs and impressions. You’re still going to get the damn iPhone aren’t you.

Great, my girlfriend is going to use this against me now. :-p

The land below the wind? Who made that up?

2010-08-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

I really don't recall the last time we snapped a bajillion photographs. Maybe work has gotten to me and everything seems less amusing by day. So taking the trip off to freshen up a little bit was, well, borderline crucial. Not forgetting this is a treat to the one big year, before we were strangers.

Incase you're wondering, the big six day trip was to Sabah. The one local state that kept me wondering all these years. Rumours had it that the skies were beyond awesome (pardon me, I hate to use that word too) and the land was culturally rich.
Before I go on, I have to thank Aaron for somewhat planning this trip and preparing the 3 versions (I believe) of itinerary for us. You have made us very prosperous, shape-less people.

I chuckled to the pictures when I saw her being the inner kid she is, and knowing she's just happy without having to worry about everyday issues for once. I'd do it all over again to see her smile and laugh the way she did. As for me, I look completely ridiculous in candid, like some washed up chump. Yes, unlike your perfect idea of a man's symmetrical everything, I'm very much human.

We ate our Sabahan hearts out, walked, and tried things we can never do here in this cultural-forsaken city. It's nice to be seeing real tan and toned local indigenous men driving boats (Although one has Justin hell-no Bieber as ringtone). I'll stop elaborating right about now, as it'll seem creepy if I kept going. I only wanted to say, well, compared to the 'idea' of a real men here who does 5 sets of bench presses everyday just to look, douche-ier?

All is done, but not close to over. It's time to squeeze-in holiday time between those tight work schedule!

I'm still daunted by the great amount of spelling errors I have seen there.
Okay that is it. The black correctional marker is going with me the next time!

Hell of a word crafter.

2010-07-21T03:01:00.000-07:00

I'm born to piss you off.

Writings from people like David Thorne often proves to me that writers have some sort of superpowers. He makes me shit my pants laughing whenever he wants to. It’s almost like I have no sense of control whenever I read his articles and dialogues. I mean, how does anyone not feel sorry for the guy after reading his ‘Girls That have said no Part’ readings?

If he would’ve been an ordinary dude that’s just David Thorne some accountant, I would’ve gladly taken his throne and start this movement of ‘I am one peculiar dude who does not know how to socialise and is half a jerk’ but only in the virtual world. C’mon, the only downside of this is my photo would probably turn faces in cafeterias and yeah not the good ones. But it’s a darn good chance to shine.

It’s basically being the real Sheldon Cooper without ‘real’ consequences. I’m totally in for a few nasty replies, but whatever.

Hello One (Big) Year!

2010-07-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

Up to date, I'll be writing.. well, professing my love to my dearest girlfriend (:

Yes, one whole year has passed and a lot has happened. I have shared my personal thoughts with her and as cheesy as this is, for public viewing now. I will not, and refuse to even begin to think about what this year will be if I wasn't blessed with this partner God has ordained me with.
Yeah, ordained! She will tell you the story.
Having to accept one's weaknesses and still love him sure isn't easy as pie and having to be loved that way is a feeling that cannot be put to words. I sure hope I have given you more than I have. There's no sweat in loving and accepting a person without being exposed to his flaws.
Well I have many, that nobody knows, and you chose to stay.
I love the little things that you do. Some 'analytical' (you know what that is), and others mostly doofus-like. I like the fact that you're different. As much as you might not know, you put your hats down to women figure that you find admirable. Men, nonetheless. But women, generally.

You have an incredible heart. The most subtle, yet the biggest giver.
I can write endlessly, but I know it won't do justice to my emotions. (I should probably go brush up with my words then, I know! Let's not judge) And living it with you is no doubt the better thing to do!
I hope I have given you enough reason to want to be in this walk with me.
And I hope I can keep up with you, and you can keep me :P always.
Happy 1 (big) year anniversary, baby (:

Here's to the sweatest person, ever!

Identify the snitches at your prison block.

2010-07-06T03:07:00.000-07:00

Getting a new job be a joyous sensation. An accomplishment of such is usually followed by a party of some sort. Or a let-this-be-an-excuse-to drink, to the very least.
Yes, big sense of accomplishment.

It can also mean a total hell hole for us.

Oh noes!

Yeah, experiencing the first few days of your new, 'glamorous' workplace can seem like an 8-month sentence to Guantanamo Bay. You go in without a clue of how things are being run, and who your homies are. You sniff out the shot-callers, the point men, the snitches. Lookout for the cooks and see what their deal is.

Think two steps ahead and play the game by strategy. Get sent to the hole if isolation is for the best. Don't write in kites because that'll get you shanked some day.

But most of all, try to keep it together and not get sucked in the virtual world. People don't bite you for no reason.

I'm an official geek. With superpowers.

2010-06-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Boy, do I really miss those geek-trashing times.
It was Sheldon Cooper and Howard Wolowitz, really that played a scheme to brainwash me.
Yeah, don't you love those transformations. First, you go "Hey look at that Pac Man tee, that's kinda cool", then you go web surfin' for the sickest action figures. Next thing you know, your girlfriend buys you a 'Ctrl' keyboard shaped table lamp. (I love it, thank you baby!)

I'm in total control!

I shall control the universe with the power of my imagination!

Leave Your Speed To An Officer's Guess.

2010-06-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Catch this.
Digg has released a post entitled, 'Ohio Supreme Court Rules Officers Can Just Guess How Fast You're Going'.

Wait, are you saying we invented all that we've spent hundreds of years educating folks to carry out research, resulting in the invention of cutting-edge technology devices that records the exact speed of a vehicle only by pointing towards it, only to devolve and trust our.. instincts instead?

Now there's the solution to it. Since officers aren't doing a good job at pretending to do their work, let's make it official by trusting their human mind to decipher a moving vehicle's speed.

Of course, finally, what took us so long to figure that out?

Such lawless authority will only result in injustice and at the very least, a misjudge. But what do I know, I'm only being reasonable. Common sense could have been the last alternative for implementing a law, isn't it?

So when a straight officer pulls you over to say,
'Well you was going fifty five at a fifty-fo, license and registration please step out of the car' to give you a ticket, take the ticket because the law-enforcers are the law. So that pretty much makes them, just; law?

"save the pretty talk, son. i definitely think you're going at 130"

You want a personal thought, here's one.

2010-06-07T02:43:00.000-07:00

To prove my point in the previous post about me dictating what I wish to write, here's what I did yesterday.

We all know Genting Highlands isn't a big deal, if you're from Kuala Lumpur at least.

The beat-down theme park mechanics, rides' rusty stain-less steel
(pun intended), and the obnoxious senior citizen that has some spare cash to bet and 'win'. The best memories are best kept during the trips when I was a kid. Everything seemed so colourful. Everyone seemed so happy. There were clowns, mimes, and event mascots. The rides made the best sounds. The echoes of the 90's carousel music accompanied by all that crowd chatter and anxiety screams was a pleasant sight and noise.

Things are slightly different now.

And I thought it was, but the memories yesterday made it so worthwhile. We spent almost the entire day just walking around, taking rides after rides.
Nobody likes queuing, not even the sign that says 'Queue here' but in all our queues, all we did was chuckled and laughed (at other people, of course)

I'll always remember my girlfriend's smile when she was being thrown around the Spinner. That kid in her was such a kid to love for.

I am Second. [The best Christian Website I've seen so far]

2010-06-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

Not only I find the copy brilliant, this ministry was thoughtfully crafted and execution was highly resourceful.

Sure, Christian music has such high integrity and widespread today, (most people don’t even realize the songs they listen to has a biblical meaning behind it) but we naturally don’t expect too much publicity from the web, do we? C’mon on now let’s be honest.

I’ve been following closely to updates from Brian Welch, even now. Fortunately, the effort didn’t go to waste. He has been invited to a part of the ‘I am Second’ celebrity guest. If you haven’t already seen this webpage, be sure to visit.

Now having learned about digital advertising so far, I’d say this site is pretty tight. Flash plays a small role, but adds a good touch to the site. The page layout looks neat and minimal, decluttering all those jiber jabba. I see that my scrutiny towards web and what works best may not be exactly part of the topic, so let’s get back to it.

Besides just Welch’s video, one of the recent added video featured the famous author, Anne Rice.

I didn’t know who she was, but I do remember the ‘Interview with the vampire’ book title. Her testimony was real honest and she didn’t speak like it was staged. (So does all of em’) Having written such dark and famous novels, this is pretty big. Scrap that, it’s huge! Aleister-Crowley-being-sorry-before-his-malevolent-actions kinda huge.

Here it is ; http://www.iamsecond.com/

What drives you to read my posts?

2010-06-01T03:39:00.000-07:00

Far too many bloggers are monetizing their blogs and personal websites, for all sorts of reasons. And many have different opinion on it. Some think it's evil and it's everything that resembles nothing but negativity given that something personal could be made to sell-out for the purpose of gettin paid.

Damn right we do.

I think there're a few ways of looking at it. *inhales*

You write stuff that's too darn personal even for your grandaddy to read, and sell your soul to the bighorns to earn some dough. Do a tell-all.

You write fairly interesting things about yourself with heavy substance, get a regular visit of loyal readers who admire you for that, then let Adsense make you his prostitute and write about recent 'events and activities' in which contains a

4-word-caption below 50 images of you flaunting yourselves while making china doll mummy faces and stretching your eyes to look like Sailormoon's eye-head ratio. How cute.

And generally, those who keeps clicking buttons after buttons about

'Simple ways & steps to monetize your blog' only finding that there are more buttons to click and more shit to read. Like me.

Don't worry I'm not a blog whore. The monetizing may have lured me once but I'm not a sucker for that. I dictate my own page contents.

Although now that I am at it, I wonder though, what drives you to read my post/posts?

(For those who got suckered into here while looking for the book, I'm sorry but at least it's not completed unrelated isn't it?

*points finger at Google's SEO*

Do you read all day?

2010-05-18T04:41:00.000-07:00

If you do, does that concern looking into the computer screen surfing websites all day long?

Well, I do. And the reason this deserves a spot here is that it's not in my nature to sit on my buttocks, reading why and how Big Bang Theory sets a syndication record, scoring a whopping $2 million per episode or discovering the unreleased upgraded Macbook via some leaked video of a Vietnamese who's probably going to get firecrackers shoved in his mouth soon. Yeah, that sorta topics.

It's as if an epidemical geek-virus is spreading through my veins by the second. To make it worst, I meant the digital kind!
You other geeks must be swearin' at me with all sorts of digital foul words, lookin' up the wikipedia for a female degrading word (for the man that I am) Tramp's over-used. You can try hobo.

Look, I'll be on your side now. Let's put it this way, geeks are able to get their way through life a lot more than any one of you who thinks otherwise.
And by life, I meant only and only the bread.

Ok gotta get outta this virtual world.

Meanwhile, here's a charming geek for you

(The virtual chics dig me!)

Sorry, R.P.G. gamers.

The second post-work post. (Yeah dwell on that!)

2010-05-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

Nine days have passed since a complete change of environment.

Days of overslept-lethargic days and nights of hamburgers are now put to brutal brain hemorrhaging exercises. Okay, maybe not as bad but mind me for slipping in exaggerations to further make these posts worth your 2 minutes. Had I not been doing that, you would click on that extra tab that's loading the 'Farmville' page. Somewhere around..... (here).

I really don't wanna jinx anything by admitting that it was a lot of fun, but it has been!

2 more months of constant digital brainstorming and I'll be a certified geek (:

God has definitely been good, in both ways anything had and will turn out to be.

The both of us had been catching up with the documentary, 'Food Inc.'.

(Ahh, look at me scrutinizing my conciseness with the spelling and words, I'm on my way there)

It's really another documentary which speaks about corporations controlling our food system which in short, is unethical, cruel, evil, posts great threat to our health, ignorant, greedy, you name it. Only in a more narrative way, and with much more interviews and sources.

Watching these things belittles the heck out of us. Knowing that you're not capable to change the food system that's been of these corporations. (Only four, to be exact in the U.S.)

We're in the middle of it, so there's only so much I can say but does my view really matter?

Does yours? Are writing these issues down going to change a thing? Will it change yours and drive you to act? If it does, I hope it's mine you're reading *laughs*

I miss her already.

The Douchebag Catastrophy.

2010-05-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's like a never-ending cycle with these people. They never die. What baffles me is how does this even get to.. well, men! You know what they say about douchebags being like butter of the bimbo bread. But what is it about being a big, loud dumb douche?

I can't stand the sight of another one.

Don't get me wrong, I mean, being a straight up heterosexual is fine. But pushing it with the pop-collared 2-sizes-too-small (pink) polo tee, greasy hair, big shades and over-worked muscles is frankly quite unflattering (in the nicest way there is). But really, you're a bucket filled testosterone monster douchebag. I don't trust you.

These guys sure catch-on quick with the oily outlook and the pinky brain. (Their pinky's probably the size of your average man-thumb anyway). Although it's like an airborne disease you can't escape, it's really the things they say that kills. I've had conversations with some of their kind before and man was it torturous.

A good gesture of 'hi' won't 'fly' with these fellas. The obligatory 'Whazzup yo, you gots a good day?' has to take in before the climax of the conversation (pretty much every word utter that is followed). And when I say awkward moronic stan-cartman-southpark douchebag laughs, I see you nodding your heads.

When sense of humor is douche-d, everything else is.

Hey it works perfectly as a verb, doesn't it?

Damn you Johnny Bravo, it ain't funny no more.

So if you're a huge douche, I'm sorry, I don't trust you.

Now go work those biceps and throw some jell-o on that hair!

You canned 4 buckets of beer in a night? Ho hum.

Bad habits..

2010-05-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

... are much different then we once use to think.

The bad habit that defines you might very well be peeling your lips, leaving them to swell like angelina jolie's. Well okay, my bad habit.

Some of the common ones are people biting their fingernails, tugging their shirt at the bottom, sweating their armpits and rocking their wedgies for the people from over 20 different countries.

I made the last two up because frankly speaking, these poor people would've stopped by now if it's an intentional habit.

Since we are already on the wedgie topic, let me elaborate.

Back in highschool, a classmate of mine will unknowingly rock a wedgie every darn time she gets up from her chair. Then of course, the awkwardness follows right after. Those who noticed would have probably reacted with a 3 second-am-i-seeing-what-i'm-seeing-rule stare then looked back down at the their desk.

The poor girl. Not even her friends would let her know.

And for armpit showers; try googling something I'm pretty sure there are a colony

of your species throughout, waiting to raise the bar higher for one another. Or in your cases,

wet your pits. As long as you keep your inseams dry and crusty, we don't really care.

I'm hoping you visualized it right. Off the wedgies topic, there're the unconventional habits.

Like being an ass. Wait are we still in the same topic?

Meh. Seems like the buttocks amused me more than I wanted it to.

I'll be back with better attempts of steering away from the people's behinds.

Remember. If you don't feel like it's right down there. Give it a little tug.

You might avoid the occurrences of strokes. Uhh, yeah both kinds.

Taking on new briefs.

2010-04-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

The underwear joke would be too obvious.

Very soon, writing would have to be my sec.. first nature.

As of it being the essential skill needed to carry out the tasks given in the near future, an intense copywriting crash course is an understatement.

But through all that process of finding the right fit for myself, she has definitely been my strongest tangible support and encouragement. I am blessed. Either way.

Now I can set my goals higher, finally.

BMW 1, Bird 0.

2010-04-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

Incase you are wondering, that's a classic BMW ad. No it isn't, a BMW 5 series freakin knocked out a flying bird in cold blood without even the courtesy to brake. I know. I was at a first class view. And I must say, I've learn that by going approximately 35-40km/h the speed is enough to kill (if not, severely injure) a adult sized bird. With its feathers exploding like a fireworks parade on impact. And while I'm on this, I distinctly remember that monkey that was crossing the road and didn't make it to the other side but I'm not going onto that.

She had left the airport with the a bunch of wild blue colored animals. Well, tamed animals would be a better choice of word and besides having to travel safely, I hope she will have a superb time off from all the hard work she has been going through day in and out. A 3 and a half day vacation might seem short but if it's an environment completely new, alongside all the friendly animal chatters, I'm sure she won't feel too distracted by home. (:

I'm still contemplating on the choice of surprise hmmm..

For the love of writing.. and eating.

2010-04-08T03:04:00.000-07:00

And expressing things facial expressions are incapable of doing. Well, my facial expressions at least.

I'll start the evening by sharing one of the biggest challenges that I've been facing.

Fasting. And to top that, fasting fastfood. No more late nights with double patty juicy burgers, instant noodles and deep fried salivating tender meat.

And in everyone's lives, we've all wanted that short week or month being a vegan for health purposes. Sometimes setting goals that are a little (you kiddin me) far fetched gets us down of course. Making us not only believe that we have no sense of will power but that raw, feeling of self-gloat and depression to most over weight people. What the heck. Today, even Olive Oil and Ghandi look-a-likes would cringe at the mirror. And not for the 'feeling skinny' kind. But with God, things that are impossible are made possible.

If my binge eating habits are constant, my body will officially be a quiver for those stabbing, American food. Even a komodo dragon's saliva would be less toxic.

Although takin' a step back, I'm definitely not going to the extreme of counting calories of my food intake. Someone very dear mentioned how that is considerably a disorder.

And you know, I'm buying that. The fact that it's being justified as 'healthy' tends to write off as a positive thing. I mean, yes it does do benefit to your body and what not.

But at the same time, if you look at it from another way, it is somewhat a disorder. The kind that would bring people down everytime they chow down that one bit of extra 2.556 calories they're not suppose to. But that's my opinion after all (until nobody justifies it better, I'm sticking to it though)

Happy meal, everyone!

How I came to know the Big Guns upstairs.

2010-03-30T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yes, the word Jesus repelled me countless times. If it wasn’t for the image of ‘holier-than-thou’ that we already understood from the people shouting the word ‘God’ in my completely sane face, it was the one thing that would best describe the word, delusion.

Too many of times, I would question issues and teachings that are controversial but religion as many would call it, is where I would never venture into. And I was proud I didn’t, because I thought ‘God’ and ‘Hope’ is for the weak. It’s nothing divine really. If anything, it’s another make believe concept that every weaklings would buy because it’s comforting more than it isn’t. In other words, they’re weak.

I lived with no sense of hope. No belief in good luck, and superstitions. I believed these two things was nothing but a distortion from probability and good ol' common sense. The furthest I’ve been is the mere interest in beings that aren’t of our planet. And if I had not dived into the bible and really took the time to understand things without bashing it consciously/subconsciously, I wouldn’t have realized the importance of knowing God because I was too comfortable and was without problems. Even if I had problems, the superficial ‘God’ will be the last on my mind. Better yet, not even there at all.

Although my conversion happened overnight, my conviction in Jesus didn’t. Not until I started reading the bible for a few months with an open heart. If it was only murmuring those words in the bible, I wouldn’t have understood it.

And God was right, ‘Ask, and you shall see’. And I did.

It’s not only about moral changes, or sharpening those gray areas of right from wrong. It’s not only about knowing the existence of a spiritual being that is higher than us. It is knowing the truth and that love God has for us that can’t be measured. And all that I’ve mentioned is only the tip of the iceberg.

Is your truth THE truth?

2010-03-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

Small occurrences often hit us harder when realization of a certain kind is in need.

I think it's safe to say that most of us reaches a stage of conscience when least expected.

Having to prepare ourselves spiritually for the upcoming Easter, I had to take the time off to dwell in God's presence and ponder upon those who have done things to us me I wished never happened. There was a need to release off that conscious/subconscious grudge and anything close to that towards one person in particular (that we had to pick, part of the process) which is refreshing. Knowing that was what Jesus had to undergo and is still today reminded me again of my role and personal obstacles. I needed the reminder. We all do.

There was an instance about us having to change or substitute our truth in order to blend to the majority just because the majority thinks so is quite a good obvious issue to dwell on.

I mean it's no rocket science but we've been faced with these happenstance and it's no stranger to everyone of us. Other topics included.

And boy there are countless of people who was and is resourceful to me during times in need of help. And otherwise. I ought to start smiling and working those facial muscles more.

'The Big Bang Theory' certainly helps with the laughing process. One of the few comedy series I find worthy of being a fan to in a long time.

High standards of humour. Not something you come across everyday, so I treasure them a lot.

Because otherwise would not only be something you don't laugh to, but it's almost awkwardly painful to experience.

What good are we without electricity in the 21st century?

2010-03-22T06:18:00.001-07:00

Care to venture a guess?

If the whole city's electricity supply gets cut off for say 2 weeks, that's enough to drive us nuts. Heck, 3 hours should do the work of getting us to sit around and wonder, hey my furnitures are mostly brown.

It doesn't take a genius to know that the people of the cities (and even suburbs) dedicate their whole lives to living by things that are being put to use by the power of electricity. Every darn thing is powered by electricity.

You can't read a book because, your e-book's battery is dying by the second. As for a book that's put together by a bunch of papers..well you'd be too bothered by the heat you won't be able to concentrate. And if it's dark, you can't see.

You can't use anything that runs by battery because it won't last forever at least. Computer, television, radio, you get the picture. It's time for geeks to put aside your digital games and start playing with sticks. Dig a hole or something.

Musical instruments? You can't play your drums because you usually play along to songs powered by your computer/laptop which is pretty much a big piece of useless device that's taking up a lot of space here and there. A guitar perhaps? Kudos to those who plays with an accoustic guitar. Maybe you'll strum it to boredomland in your 4th song. And then you wonder, dammit my guitar and bass uses electricity too. Why doesn't anyone invents amplifiers that reserves energy dammit.

There's no way you can see any moving images (or still ones too) and/ listen to any songs or noise. The whole world is offly quiet. All you hear are birds chipping and you'd probably can't tell the difference between a crow and a sparrow anyways. Wait, only 2 species of birds exist right, cuz that's all I see out in our road lamp posts. There're probably chatters here and there about when the electricity is going to be connected to your big cubicle caves again. Again, conversation revolves around electricity.

Nothing ever good probably, from the conversation. It's always about if it's really hot, or that the government is doing a lousy job because there isn't electricity supply (and because you're hot mostly). And when we're hot, we take off our clothes and reserve some to avoid impairing other people's eyes and find something to do. Which we won't and end up lying down most of the time.

No one uses candles or have any of those at home for pete's sake. Need light?

Ahh, switch it on with my 'camera phone flash'. That goes out too within time.

Your iPhones and iMacs will remain not biodegradable for the next 2449233 years if you're on good terms with luck. No showers, and this has nothing to do with the ever existing water supply. Your cubicle cave could be next to Niagara Falls yet you can't take a damn dip in the water because you need your 'water heater'. We should feel sorry for ourselves haha.

When all food is rotten from your refrigerator, you wonder how to cook.

Forget fire and earthworms and suburban squirrels, Mcdonald's is 3 minutes away!

Get them Happy Meals for 3 meals a day you wouldn't complain.

Good thing most cars aren't powered by electricity because 9 minutes worth of cycling, or 18 minutes of walking isn't an option. We only walk to our vehicles, and then walk again to the desired destination. (Given our cars are parked 5 feet from the building's entrance)

Even Bear Grills won't go around tarzaning our rainforest because nobody would watch him on TV.

The Book of Eli.

2010-03-16T03:57:00.000-07:00

Anyone who reads from here consistently would probably have noticed so far that I don't quite post about any movies here (from what I remember). Everyone wants their piece of criticism to be heard. And some even go to the extent of rating them.

Yes, another time for his/her nenek story.

Ahh. Rating them new released movies. And reasoning at least 3 not-so-convincing reasons why you should watch them. The more people shove reasons to my face and be overly stocked about a movie *cough avatar*, is the exact reason for me not to watch them. Or at least pretend like I'm not interested.

Just to annoy the hell out of em'.

But let's just hear me out for a second here.

Fine I won't Denzel you in the face with this released movie, but give it a shot for Denzel's sake.

On the flipside, I really think nobody would miss checkin out those aviators and glasses Denzel, Mila, and Gary Oldman wears.

I mean, one third of the movie's based on those aviators alone man. And goggles.

See I didn't spoil it for you yet. How thoughtful.

Grumpy post if you're insensitive enough.

2010-03-14T07:44:00.001-07:00

Must I really submit myself to that sinfully dull blog that three quarters of the Malaysian bloggers do? How unexciting! Ahh, another rant of what we're not merely interested about. Not even related to you in the slightest way, not nothing!

But we the people of the modern ways takes at least 5 minutes each day to view another's update on another important occasion of their important lives. So mister tomdickorharry replaced his mugs at his office today. Brand new ones. Wait, brand new blue ones, if you must know.

And they're at a 15% discount, 15 kilometers away from his office. Tell me where, so I can get a blue one too (or perhaps a gray), and be apart of that society that annoys the living Elmo out of us, so the cycle continues.

All those words could have formed a new born child and no one's inventing a machine that would filter rubbish from our fingers. Or mouth, so to speak. And yet, we take the liberty to invent toys for kids of age 3, called the 'oozinator'. What it does?

It's a toy bb gun that squirts filthy ooze all over you. Sounds familiar?

So much rubbish to take in, so little time. Impeccable lives we live indeed.

Allow me to come out of the closet and surrender myself as a hypocrite, so that you wouldn't feel like you're alone in this. Isn't George Carlin dead? Why do I get a sense that he has risen to so very kindly offer one of his traits to me?

THE pastor has officially intruded and read a couple of the words that forms his man.

Let's take the word intrude lightly, shall we pastor tim? (:

Plateau moments with God.

2010-03-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

The last time I listened to OurLadyPeace's songs were when I was drumming to them.

Hardly getting into the mellow side and take account of the emotional side of it.

Well if you must know, their songs are one of my few personal favorites when

I'm in that plateau of either doing good spiritually, or not so good and drowning in difficult times that I know I can come out of, I would listen to them.

'Potato girl' is playing on it's second verse as I'm typing along and of course the few quite moments of 'self-discovery' pondering what I've been not doing enough for the pass 5 years.

Well.. let's just I could've done a lot more.

Speaking of doing more, my girlfriend (whom I don't blog about just cause I'd like to keep things personal that way) mentioned about what orderly and proper of a writer I am and was.

Sometimes even coming off with a pinch of me not entirely being real. Ouch.

Yeah, it's half true and here's why.

I'm no longer a loud writer with no concern of one's feeling. (Man, what awesome days)

And of course I can't entirely please your mother's uncle's second grand-daughter's

third aunty who's caught in the 70's and is anal about every foul language as an expression being used today.

My point is, I'm not too cautious when writing but I do filter some thoughts that either may be out of context by a mile, or it's just private and personal.

Didn't know when exactly that took place. 'Private'.. 'personal'... so bloody annoying.

Here's something real for you.

It's true that loved ones can give you a sense of hope. Not entirely the one He gives,

but close. I know she did. And it was countless.

And everything I did was all man, and I'm getting in touch with my feminine side within a second's time upon all that love. Guess that's what love does to you. And I don't even find it a problem!

Only I substitute those moments with doing what 'real men' do once in a while just so I can safely say, waikit we won't question your masculinity.

(Watch figure skating and make cupcakes haha)

I shall not ramble about my love life (for now hehe) as you'll never be able to feel like I do, nor understand me better than she can.

Sorry I can't help but sound so serious.

And agreeing to disagree isn't an agreement!

Slow to speak.

2010-02-10T10:27:00.000-08:00

No matter how I try to sway away from writing

about God and anything related, I realize I can't.

In fact, the main purpose of me creating this blog was not to gratify myself but God.

What do you think A Secret Believer means anyway?

And it's times like this, times where I surrender myself to God

that I learn the most and I'm only speaking from a personal point of view.

There are a million ways of reaching out to people, telling them about who Jesus really is

(now put aside whatever you see on TV, that represents Him)

Character's one.

Everyone live by a handful of principles, and live by them for whatever reasons.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Both before and upon knowing Jesus

but I hope I've reflect something that's worthy of your thought and how I've represented it.

Then there're words. I don't usually say the nicest things, but I hope I've spoken enough of what's right (biblically) to the people I know.

Even when I was in my teenage years, there was this thought somewhere in that hard head of mine, knowing that I'm always fairly a rational person because of my 'super hero ability' to weigh out situations from a 'bigger picture'. Story aside, definitely one of my years with a more than enough high self-esteem. Put that in size perspective, picture me 7 feet tall.

Little did I know, I see a bigger picture after knowing Jesus. (relationally)

Got me looking back at that person I used to be. A little (not weak) person it is.

One big headed, egoistic, prideful, quick to speak, fool. Yeah, it hurts even writing it.

But you know, given where I am now, it was hands down worth it.

I don't have the answers to everything, but it's safe to say that I can finally push the black from the white. No gray area. Or, okay...much lesser.

It's nice not to be in a confused state, and radically try to rationalize something into what I want it to be, and feel good about it afterwards. Because in most cases, I turn out to be wrong.

Yes everyone has to be opinionated, but just because we feel right about what we believe is correct, it doesn't make it.

2 Cor 12:9

"He (Jesus) said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect

in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I'm most preaching to myself, but I'll be more than joyful it has an impact towards

you my friends.

Ecclesiastes.

2010-02-07T09:24:00.001-08:00

You heard.

Signing in again on a little writing.

Now allow me to cut to the chase. Too many times, the same question is being thrown at me. Probably also because I do meet someone new every week. 'So what do I do now'?

I'm not studying, neither am I working yet. In other words, I'm jobless.

Yeah, not so stoked on that one, and must I say, me being placed in that circle of statistics that fell under the jobless category is way unexpected. My ego and pride could have very well gotten to me once, and here I am today.

There isn't really any word to describe it now, but weird as it is (for some of you folks) I'm finally back at this phase where I feel super contented even if you give me crap everyday. I mean I have a thousand reasons to be bitter about my situation but God totally took control of the situation and is the only source of comfort now.

Not more than 2 nights ago, I dusted of my 'extra' bible beside my bed and opened it. It seemed a while now since I last read it on my initiative and committed myself to reading His word.

So I did.

That led to me reading the book of Ecclesiastes. And it hit me pretty hard when I came across chapter three, that writes about us having a time for everything.

There's time for joy and there's time to weep, and we should be grateful, and praise God no matter what the outcome, when the time. I can't say if I stumbled onto the chapter or that God led me to those few verses but reading it gave me assurance and made me reflect on how much God has been so good.

I mean, it's not the first time I ever thought so, but given my situation, it hit me hard.

Real hard.

Of course I had to have the longing for His presence to be apart of my everyday life in order for the whole shebang to take place (incase you're thinking it's magic, it's not)

I'm looking forward to see where God leads me, even if it's not the direction that I have foreseen and planned, I guess I better go wherever God gives the green light.

And that's only the smaller picture of what's happening altogether.

I'm super blessed that she's there to support and love me the whole time. (:

(:

2009-12-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened since this page has been written

with something a little more personal and opinionated.

The good and the bad, of course.

I'm just very grateful for the blessings that has been favoring me,

over-shadowing the ugly things.

And by blessings, I meant a significant person. (:

2009-10-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

It's difficult not to step beyond the line of depression sometimes.

Maybe in certain ways, people look at it as a comfort zone to settle in, almost.

"I told you so"

2009-09-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

So after months of denying the 'truth', its time to get off my butt and go make a living 'the realistic way'. Meeting a renowned street artist two days ago was on the borderline okay. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't get to hear the kinda news I wanted to hear.

The conclusion was that my only choice of doing what I like, was to make it a side-of-career kinda thing. No one would stop me from running around the city spraypainting my thoughts, but the thought of making a living with it seemed pretty far fetched. (Thanks to the hole I'm living in)

So there, time to buck up what I DON'T have, and go to the 'fun' place.

Okay maybe the reality would turn around and slap me in the face. Maybe it could

really be fun!

Insincere overrated things we say.

2009-08-30T10:55:00.000-07:00

We have always came across moments of celebration of some sort like a birthday, a promotion, or during random conversations where people tell you things like 'Good luck' or 'Wishing you all the best in life', or 'All the best kay'. Which sounds a lot like insincerity to me, and I say this from a personal view. It's almost like that's something to say to blow someone off, like "Okay, I'll catch you later, good luck in life".

Doesn't mean anything to me. Just insincerity.

Unless maybe I'm going through something which could use a gesture of mental support, then maybe, just maybe I can relate to something like 'All the best' (In whatever situation I am in). Like holy crap I bought a pair of tee 3 sizes smaller boy are we in a pickle now. (Although I can totally imagine how unflattering that would look!) But if there isn't any particular situation I'm in, and when people end their greet with 'Good luck' or 'All the best', it feels almost like they're just saying it because they feel like they should? What in the random time of my life that I feel like I need a friendly gesture of 'All the best', in what? Or what is it in life that I'm doing that I so need the luck to be able to get out of? I don't make a living solely on buying the lottery, so scrap that off. Nothing says "I'm just trying to appear nice and blowing you off" more than saying those things unnecessarily.

What ever happened to words said from the heart? Do we need convenience so much that we could just borrow every word or phrase to make people feel good?

So overrated, so insincere.

So... all the best, people :P

Herakut-ish

2009-08-29T03:25:00.000-07:00

I like distorted figures. It's not easy to distort figures and make them look appealing to the eye. There's ways to it which, of course I can't explain. But I've been exposed to a lot of work of Hera's, from Herakut and so I thought I'd give it a go.

And on Akut's side of things, I spraypainted the background of the artwork and write stencil looking words, to give it a touch of both worlds. Both realistic and street art. I guess it lies quite on contemporary also.

More to come!

I've contributed to the h1n1 statistics.

2009-08-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have been suffering from a high fever two days ago, but it didn't ever occur to me that it would be anything too serious. Not until I was prescribed with the usual fever medicine, only ending up with my fever shooting higher and higher by the hour. The average temperature was 38.7, and the highest was 39.2.

Never felt as helpless as I did. So I thought it would be a wise and safer decision to go for the h1n1 confirmation test at the clinic nearby. Only, at the clinic, I was told that clinics are not allowed to have the confirmation test for h1n1, instead they can only check for the type A influenza.

What happened was, the test showed that I have the type C (which is the common flu) and a suspicious type A influenza (because there was a faded line on the indication that shows on the type A influenza), so the doctor suggested that I should be taking the tamiflu medication.

So far, I've only taken it twice but thank God I'm recovering in a good pace. The fever has subsided, and I can walk again, haha. It's official, I have to be quarantined for a week in my house.

Lesson learned people, stay at home if there's not reason to go out, and maybe the mask helps after all.

Pixel Playground.

2009-08-10T11:54:00.001-07:00

It was good experience. Although the expected people didn't quite turn up, it's good exposure and a good start to a different group of networks. Now let me get started on catching up to other things. (Lost my wallet with all important things in it)

Art exhibition!

2009-08-06T02:37:00.000-07:00

Finally, after praying hard, I'm blessed with an opportunity to be apart of the Pixel Playground Creative Art Market. If you're wondering what it is, it's one of those events that has vendors all around the place, like your typical PC Fair, or Career Fair, kinda.

My voice will finally be heard, and my love for street art will be seen. It's a proper exposure, and I'm hoping people from the industry would take interest in what I do. For art is too subjective, I really don't know what to expect. But all in all, it's pretty much mixed feelings that I have right now.

Another thing to worry about, is that my art is propaganda related. Hatred towards the injustice that exist in this world. More so, my country. I'm pretty much prepared for the worst case scenario, because it's a little kamikaze-like action that I'm getting myself into. I'm an artist, I draw the truth. My truth.

Date: Saturday, August 8th, 2009

Time: 10:00am - 10:00pm

Location: EYE ON MALAYSIA, Malacca

Much appreciation to Aaron Lam! (:

I WANNA BE JAMIE OLIVER!

2009-07-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

I will make a vow to myself since I am a true fan of good food. To be able to know how to cook (like for real) and along all that big talk, food presentation too! Now, wouldn't it be nice to have a husband who cooks for you?

Top three stand up comedians.

2009-07-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

George Carlin. Dane Cook. Katt Williams.

Now, go watch.

Solitude.

2009-07-17T01:08:00.000-07:00

i think its completely human when a man feels like he's the only person going through life.

sometimes loneliness can be so overwhelming we dwell in it for too long it eats us up.

there were moments where i try to make sense of it, i thought i knew but now that i'm in this phase again, i kinda lost it. maybe i'm just too emotional.

most of us have been focusing too much on other people's lives we tend to forget to pay attention to our own.

wrong impression.

2009-07-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes i find writing my thoughts down worthless. because i can never completely express what i'm feeling. or trying to say, so to speak. like if i were to write now, you won't even begin to comprehend 20% of it.

for a long time, i've been always an event/advertising-free blogger. i rather look at what i or others have to say about a certain something in regards to whatever that isn't generic. about life, people and emotions mostly.

but it seems words can only express so much. either that or i'm not well articulate enough.

either way, it's just bad.

unfolding personal issues.

2009-07-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

it's odd that i am actually writing this. let me share this with you.

i have a tendency to write down my emotions when nothing else helps. well, only recently i'd say. the friends and people with strong character taught me a lot through these years in dealing with emotions. notice the ones that i admire, somehow are able to master their emotions just so they don't break down.

oh you know, the whole balance between the heart and mind. about not giving in too much to your emotions, and how your mind helps to maintain your composure.

i get it. not only that, but i also see how it totally works on other people. but with me, it seems as if it doesn't work. people learn to control their emotions from past experiences. hence, the strong facade and stability. what, does that mean i 'did not learn from my past'? trying to tell myself otherwise when i am low only feels like trying to de-humanize me. in other words, being in denial. i see how that helps, but it just doesn't with me.

to add on to that, the only reason i feel lost is when i'm in this bubble. going through a significant down and depressing moment. noticing the whole situation, yet not being able to steer my way through sanity. being 'logical'. i resent people who are completely run by logical thinking. they are driven by their minds mostly (i don't know about the balance) and takes off as a winner in most occasions. you just see it in them.

and then there's me.

who's well aware of everything above, yet resorts in leaning more towards my emotions. the kinda guy that doesn't get things fixed. the other half that needs more support emotionally in a relationship. oh i just know, don't ask don't tell.

i need someone to burst that happy bubble to me. let me feel like life's alright and beautiful again. and me contributing and filling that gap in that other person in return.

can't believe i'm sharing something so personal. a big sigh.

A step closer to completion

2009-07-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

As much as a girl longs for her fairy-tale love story that's all flowered up, and has a happy ending, a guy does too. Some men admit it, some don't. Some seize the thought and hold onto it, some try not to. But you know, we have our fair share of sleepless nights on our beds in our private moments when we go on thinking about this.

I think it's only natural that a guy longs for a partner, whenever he sees someone he finds totally interesting. Like how a girl looks at an ideal partner/husband kinda guy and accelerates off to her little fantasy. Thinking how wonderful it would be if this, if that. You know.

In fact, I think for surviving bachelors, it wouldn't be the saddest thing ever, but of course, the longing for someone is burried deep down somewhere. At least that's what I think. It's like the exact opposite scenario of what a girl sees in her perfectly ideal relationship, except less flowery and pinks in it. Probably substituted by something else more worthy for men. (Ego taking in already)

I like someone who redefines what beauty is in a relationship. One that has substance, instead of what's seen on the surface. Someone who sees simplicity as a rare quality a person possesses. Someone... REAL.

I think it's totally difficult to find someone who is, today.

I am strong on the surface, not all the way through. There has to be this positive vibe to balance out the negativity in me.

And no, this isn't your usual infatuation or being caught in the moment typa situation. It stays!!

Anyone who wants to share anything with me on this, please do so (:

Somewhat a sensitive issue?

2009-06-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

Not to me at least, but here it goes.

By the way, I'm not doing this to stir up racial tension or anything. Hope you read this with an open mind for I don't have bad intentions of posting this.

While I was onto something, someone sparked another person in my head and I remembered this person of by one thing I somehow still remembered. It's somewhat funny, maybe offensive, but on the very surface I'd consider it laughable.

Okay we go wayy back when I was still in primary 4 or 5. We must've had some sort of group project, which is the only reason that led me to ask my friend if it was okay to work out the group project in his home (located in the same cluster as my old place)

He told me it wasn't possible, and further on told me something which sounded similar to this.

"Saya punya mak tak bagi orang Cina masuk rumah lah".

Translation: My mum doesn't allow Chinese in the house.

Do I cringe and go, has this woman been living in a cave of super typical uncivilized mentality, or what do I do. But I guess being the stupid un-outspoken kid I was, I kept quiet about it. But you know what, I think it's still somehow the wise decision to make, even if it happened yesterday.

I am very amazed by this incident. (what he uttered, not my reactions). Just something to share, since people don't tell you things like this on a daily-basis.

So tell me, did you laughed? Or were you disgusted?

Alzheimers'

2009-06-24T03:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm very well suffering from it.

For instance, I've experience way too many experience forgetting things (esp short termed ones)

I tend to always forget where I park my car. Takes me on a regular 5-10 seconds to recall back.

And while I was browsing through my phone contact lists yesterday, I don't remember a lot of the people that are in my list and how it even found its way there. Its only normal for me to keep deleting off contacts due to the full memory in my simcard/phone.

Not forgetting doing really stupid mistakes like not naming the people after their surname or whatever tags I should remind them by.

I have ale, ale, alethea, alethea foong, alethea singapore.

christopher, christopher lim. dont know which is which, or if they're actually the christophers I'm guessing.

Michelle, mich, mich2, michelle class.

wil, wil2, wilson.

etcetera.

This is so difficult to decipher. :s

false prophet

2009-06-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Tons of em proclaiming this and that. Raking money of the needy and desperate. Giving false hope just to add cash in their banks. Playing God in their little crusade, using God's name in vain. It's sad that these people end up breaking down and giving their last two cents to these false prophets' ministry. Performing magic and sorcery, hypnosis is what their little gifts are. Asking the people to look for signs and wonders these greedy thiefs.

No one ever searches their heart anymore when somebody performs a little something something to cheer up you and give you false hope. The words utter are of bad intentions and pure bullshit. These con artists uses God's name to their advantage and steals from the people.

"***** *** is a greedy thief. He chose to con people through religion. It's about the day he's about to die, and looking into his eyes, seeing if all that propaganda that he told people, if he actually believes it himself" - Raine Maida, Our Lady Peace (Lying Awake track)

More for Secret Wars.

2009-06-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

Can this find its spot in Annexe?

Love is Patient.

2009-06-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

I have more or less two days left, to completing my last semester in uni. Can't say I'm not thrilled (although I should be experiencing this last time) Anyhu, the days are as usual and there's really nothing much to be writing about. Not on me at least. Again I say, in good hopes of the unemployed days-to-come (because I'm fussy) I would work myself towards the direction many may not favor.

On another note, I'd like to talk about values that are a complete turn on. For me at least. I came across this lady whom I am already familiar with for a few years now, only realizing one thing. Not that I haven't noticed before, but she's managed to stay real patient and positive in her work place which happens to be quite the havoc I'd say. We know there're types of people who tries to be patient, and those who're genuinely patient without the effort. Such an admirable attitude. Don't know for sure how did it cross her mind that smiling would be the thing to do at the very moment. At least it changed her. Changed me as well. Gave me the complete opposite vibe, despite of the monster inside of me ready to devour the douchebag beside me that was breathing down my neck.

These little moments as we know, are often surprisingly life-changing.

(the young lady's attitude not the douchebag that was breathing down my neck)

Me being the complete opposite (totally aware of that) pretty much got a little smack in the head. Thank God I came across the right people who opened the chances for me to mould myself into a better person, with better attitude. I know I lash out at another like there's no tomorrow but I'll TRY. There you go, a good start. Help me, help you. Haha.

Why can't we use the word 'anyways' anymore? It's creative English to me Ana!

Amanda Ling.

2009-06-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

Edding is still unseen.

2009-05-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

When asked to tag along to an art exhibition, I didn't decline but I only had so much to show. Which is why I am currently working on more. Striving to come up with a count of at least 50 by September (date to exhbtn)

Still a long way to go, as I am now only looking at my 1/2 done work. STILL looking for that little difference in the approach of art. Nothing stands out anymore. Not unless there's a new mixture of medium unseen. Hoping to prove 'them' wrong, my mediums are only edding marker and spray paint. Or should the over-rated acrylic be part of it as well?

My little unrealistic vision (or dream whatever) is to be part of the street wars artists team.

Pretty unlikely. I mean, almost very darn unlikely but its good

to have an option for a getaway.

A getaway in-my-dreams that is.

"Go big or go home"

Secret Wars Artists

2009-05-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, I can actually express the exact thing that I would want to be doing!

It's been pretty painful not having to express the kinda thing I'm looking for, let alone knowing whatever genre it is.

I. am. coming!

Totally fascinated by black marker art since I was little.

And I can't help but notice how huge the canvas is. No way gonna fit in my car.

I'm an ISTP by test.

2009-05-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

Took one of those random tests (quizzes) and will end up being labelled. I suppose I am doing this solely because I'm bored out of mind, not because I need to be labelled, or need to live on those facts. But, as I'm reading the so-called traits of an ISTIP, turns out its pretty accurate.

Now I know, most of this tests results (esp horoscope related) can have fairly general results. Like 'you are sensitive' (who isn't?) But this, is fairly specific to a certain degree.

Now the traits, are of plenty so I'll just filter to the ones that I think are worth reading.

And don't think that you got me all figured out after reading this. Don't.

1) Have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.

ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.

ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers"

ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.

ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.

ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs

An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.

ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.

what do you think.

This is IT.

2009-05-15T02:11:00.000-07:00

In good hopes and will, I will be able to steer towards the direction that I favor. Although an unfamiliar path, my gut feeling tells otherwise. Hopefully everything falls on the right place.

It's good hearing from her after such a long time.

Come on, mighty fingers!

bttrswt

2009-05-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

So many unanswered questions. So many gaps that will not be filled.

Relationships.

2009-05-03T11:56:00.000-07:00

when i see two people who are committed to each others lives, yet are from different worlds, i see something beautiful. in fact it reminds me of myself.

it got me thinkin and i thought...

it's always better when your other half isn't the same as you are. in fact, its better if your other half grew up in a completely different culture. at least that's what i think. i'm not sayin' it's bad if both of em are from the same backgrounds.

its just, when these two are of very different backgrounds, there's so much room for surprises. there's so much to learn. subconsciously, you'll put yourself in a extremely selfless position to adapt to your partner's way of communication/lifestyle. which is what a relationship is suppose to be like, being selfless. i see it as something really beautiful, frankly speaking. it's like, no matter how long you're together, there's just this bit of gap that you can't penetrate. something you can't really figure out yet its exciting. keeps that bit of your relationship sophisticated, in a good way of course. its like you constantly want to know your partner deeper but with no struggle involve. day by day, the partner you know unfolds. and it only makes you love them even more.

okay i'm not gonna sink in to the whole feeling, let your imagination do the rest.

isn't it nice sometimes when you're all about that significant other?

we all know words can only describe so much.

well, i could only speak from experience and my fair share of reasoning, so to speak.

not like its rocket science, but at least it gives you that smile. just something to think about.

Yo mama so fat..

2009-04-28T04:15:00.000-07:00

1. Yo mama so fat she put on lipstick with a paint-roller

2. Yo mama so fat she wore a yellow raincoat and people yelled, "Taxi!"

3. Yo mama so fat she got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

4. Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

5. Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her.

6. Yo mama so fat her beeper went off and people thought she was backing up.

7. Yo mama so fat when she broke her leg, gravy poured out.

8. Yo mama so fat she has to be baptized in the Sea World

9. Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Awesome/Exciting/Great

2009-04-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

I noticed this whole lifestyle of uploading food photographs in blog. How uninteresting.

Reading blogs are almost becoming like reading someone else's diary. Plenty of bs that are not filtered.

And I find it excruciating to read one's blog/listen to one when they're too generic.

Generic words should be banned solely because its being misused over and over again.

Say you're up in the mountains wanting to snap a photograph of it. If you're standing right in the middle my dear, that just means no more mountains for us to see. Choose one. Sacrifice another. Sacrifice your beautiful facial expression by taking a further/wider angle of the scenery. Or sacrifice the mountains and take you and you. (which doesn't give you a reason to include the mountains in the first place, because that just says face and whatever that is in the background)

Common sense sometimes still needs to be taught.

Sad.

New blog is up.

2009-04-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't consider myself a hoarder but I have my fair share amount of junk. Wait now, junk to me could be otherwise for you. It gets to me every time I walk by something that I have, that I don't use, or use anymore yet it seems so use-able if you know what I mean. Seeing things just lying around without being used can always be given to other people, unless its made to just 'lay around'. So since I'm aware that quite a number of people make purchases online and are fans of it, I thought I'd give it a shot and try making sales online. Via blog. Although less coordinated and has its flaws, it's pretty darn easy to do.

We're all pretty hooked up with our own commitments and just don't have leisure time to walk around for things to shop, or even travel anymore. That makes this the easiest resort.

This is the link to it.

http://mostlyweirditems.blogspot.com/

What exactly am I going to sell? My first aim is to clear out items that does not serve me at all/any longer. So no, I don't think I would be selling apparel as most people do although I would still like to have the option. Everything has its demand, so yeah. Weird, would refer to the most unconventional items that people would be looking for. Because I happen to find favor and lean towards liking unconventional items that people shop for, so in return I'm looking for the same kind. Could be anything.

Yes I'd be new at this, but it won't give me a reason to not be professional at this. Let's see how this works out. If it doesn't, it's perfectly okay. Gives me room for improvement anyways.

Man's best friend, my best friend.

2009-04-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

If you've been to my place, you would already have known that my dog's one real character.

It's true when they say that labradors are 'rather' playful and very charismatic.

'Rather' playful is an understatement. When she was younger, she would take pleasure in biting everything she sees. Ripping off our slippers and shoes. Clothes hung outside will somehow still look like biting object, even to this day. There was this terrible habit that she has whenever she feels like playing with me. See, the transition from walking from my entrance door to the gate whenever I'm getting out of the house would be intense. Almost like war.

Upon locking my door, I would turn around and look at the gate like it was miles away. Why? Because that's the time where she thinks its totally okay to pound on me. Her paws would dirt my clothes, and her saliva gets to me as well. So once I'm out of the gate, reaching in 'safe territory' I would look like a complete douchebag.

But she's still a sweetheart despite of the evil she does. Like all dogs, she loves us unconditionally. She never threw a fit when we didn't have the time to play with her. And because I know that well enough, I never fail to give a lovely pat on her head or rub her neck when I'm going in and out of the house.

She does the cutest things. Like when we're in the house and around, she would bite her rubber ball and give it to us indicating that she wants to play fetch. When my mum waters the plants, she would 'bite' off the water and get all her face wet and dirty. Such a slob sometimes. I enjoy having her company because when people give you all sorts of trouble, your dog always does otherwise and give you that warmth. Where everything is okay, and you don't have to worry anymore. One true companion she is.

The movie Marley & Me would be a great introduction to how labs are, naturally.

2009-04-01T08:38:00.001-07:00

i love people who can make jokes out of the smallest things.

see there was this show that i've watched earlier and i think it was about fashion's do's and don'ts. like many other shows there were critics who gave their opinions on what to wear and what not to wear. so in a few of the many things one of them said something hilarious.

it was about revealing thongs from your pants/skirt. one of the ladies said because it was such an unpleasing sight, thongs were designed in such a way that it can be wore lower at the waist so it wouldn't be seen. then there's also jeans and skirts that are being designed with lower cut.

"it was like a race to the crack."

then there were also fannypacks. by the way i don't remember seeing anyone wearin 'em for quite some time now. the critic said ; if your a lady, there's something that's called a purse. if you're a man, what are you carrying? seriously i wanna have a look in your bag just to know what's inside. what's so important that you have to wear it on your waist, pointing in front of you so that you can see it all the time? what are you carrying? is there gold inside?

which obviously makes sense. men don't carry a lotta things with them when they're up and about.

Break tradition.

2009-03-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

This time around i am back as a more positive person. at least i'd like to think so. i figure why fill my thoughts with things that would bring me down as a person and as a believer. yesterday would be the point where i return to be the person i was. days where i wake up with a thankful mind and sleep after saying my prayers. it takes a lot for a person to be humble. i think its often being mistaken for being weak.

its proven to me now that staying positive is contagious. and i would never say no it.

have a nice day.

2009-03-23T04:00:00.000-07:00

and so i figure maybe i'll put an end to bitterness and just start looking at the better side of everything. no, not like being in denial kind.

something crossed my mind the other day. whenever i stare into an image that has no end to it, like the ocean or space. a place where you can't put a time or event to it, it makes me feel good. almost like a breath of fresh air. funny how it takes little things that doesn't have much elements yet somehow is the bigger remedy to my peace.

on another note, i'm just a little indecisive as to what goals im pursuing still. but it doesn't make me a horrible, unproductive thing on this earth. i hope. my goals shift from time to time. it changes, sometimes evolves as i mature.

2009-03-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

You know, I really miss times where I feel like I'm more spiritually connected. It makes the whole difference of just living even doing ordinary things. Always challenged with what atheists believe as 'reasoning'. Maybe it's the easier answer from the surface, but I completely feel contented as an active Christian. And active is a personal opinion, so you don't have to agree with that because everyone has their own opinion.

What I'm trying to say is, people have come up with stories over their faith and often resolving in the answer that there isn't any God. It's make believe, it's men's way of keeping men in control because of fear and obedience. "It's from God", the saying of a man with no answers. All these people studied this belief and tried in their own ways to somehow believe that there is a creator, who loves all man equally and knows us by our hearts. But they couldn't in the end, probably because of some sort of tragic event that took place in their lives and don't see where God fit in the picture.

Me, on the other hand, is everything in reverse of what I just said above. Yet I'm certain of the existence of God because I've lived and been in both sides.

Catching the next ride.

2009-03-10T07:32:00.001-07:00

I've been resorting in keeping myself outside of anyone's touch for quite some time now. For most people I know, at least. To be honest, sometimes I feel like I need to space out myself from the crowd every once in a while. Not for selfish purposes.

This past few months were nothing but unproductive. Yet somehow I feel like I'm slowly beginning to grow out of this horrible lifestyle. With a little commitment to a few activities and a hand full of close friends, I think I should be on my way there. Getting into the lazy unproductive state is really easy, getting out is a whole different story.

One thing for sure, living without praying and keeping that bond with God is pretty damn tiring.

And as you know, having to keep blogging actively is difficult when my life is completely inactive.

Finding the balance between giving myself time to grow and keeping other things together would be the current direction I'm getting to for now.

I'll try to be a nicer person.

With your help.

You're not listening.

2009-01-07T02:57:00.000-08:00

I think a lot of people are missing the whole point of music already. We were just talking about it, my friends and I, about how we set our emotions to the music we're listening to, as oppose to listening to it aligned with our emotions.

Aren't we missing the point here. We listen and sing to something we're totally feeling at that particular moment. Not put on some music, and then feel what the music wants you to feel.

If we don't get what music is about, we might as well sing and dance to bird's chipping cuz I don't know, it could be 'cool' to some people.

This is a hate post to the world's mainstream music.

2009-01-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd give myself a little time to resolve in myself. Conclusion, still no answer.

You know what one of those times where you think you know it all, something happens (even in the most minor ways) and you start back at zero. Having no clue whatsoever.

So far I've been keeping myself contented with whatever that keeps me away from competition.

Think I'm gonna go back to the whole drawing direction. It'd be really nice if I would be given a shot at experiencing tattooing. Could be on a pig, I don't really care. It's interesting knowing that it's a little different because of the order of it. Stencils, outline, fill-ins/shadings. Not easy. But yet it looks quite fun. Would love draw on something else besides paper and other canvases.

And with the whole I-wanna-be-in-a-rock-band thing, guess it didn't go well with that cuz up until now, most of the fellas I've been playing with has creative differences so that wouldn't go far.

I'm aimless!

But I'll get my directions again someday, it's just the matter of time.

Author.

2008-12-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

I think my story's good enough for me to write a book on.

Untitled.

2008-12-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

I've been a little cracky lately. Everything seems to go haywire.

Things that have been planned ahead didn't go as they were suppose to, and the ones that are not planned, went bad as well. For the past month, I didn't really wanna see anyone. Stayin alone feels like the better option, although it can get pretty boring sometimes and that leads to more not-so-good attitude.

Put it this way. I'm done being amazed by everything that appears to look extremely appealing to me. And the ones that I can't put a price to, I have nothing to say about that. It's like everything just doesn't matter. What people think, they can jam it up theirs all they want to. But the things that can be changed/determined by me, I don't feel like doing anything about it because it feels pointless. I need to find a purpose for everything that I do now.

Since when I became so practical?

For those whose had a lot to deal with, and is doing fine, hats down to you.

I don't know how to do it.

Another cut to the chase.

2008-12-09T07:08:00.000-08:00

Good intentions does not necessarily come along with good approach.

Would you tell me which way's out?

2008-11-26T12:43:00.000-08:00

I find life so hard sometimes. Who doesn't. Every now and then, friends complain about different things. Different stress levels for different people at different phases. Sometimes, what they tell you don't even seem like an issue. Sometimes they do.

Everyone handles stress differently. The ones that can't cope, quit. Not every single time you don't. 'Quitting' is sometimes an option for some people. To those who don't have the privilege to do so, they don't survive. Thus, shit like suicide takes place. If not, some other shit. One thing leads to another.

I still remember clearly those times where I figure, if only I had a choice of quitting. But I don't. So I stuck to it, and now I'm still breathing. But then we tend to forget that we can always at least try to overcome different matters, and remember that we actually 'survived' the past obstacle. Everyone forgets.

Then, the different problems we face, makes us stronger naturally. Subconsciously, we become more prone to problems as we confront them in different ways. Different solutions, different composure. More steady, more calm, more prepared. That's one of the many ways I look up to an adult, no matter how screwed up they are, they lived through all these crap and got out of it, alive.

Personally, I take intentions very seriously. It determines who one person really is, even I myself.

Something which I will try to live by with, is a set of small guideline for myself. Of course, one of the many is to have pure intentions. A few have it. I'll try to stick to the minority in this.

Nows the time, where I feel completely open to finding myself, God and life. I feel like no matter what, we're all alone in this. This life, this world. Companion means a whole lot, but in the end of the day, we have to know ourselves and live our lives with a great purpose. It's easy to say really. But just the thought would be a good start.

In this period of time, time paused for a little while. I'm looking at things that people tend to miss out in life. What's the essential of living a good life. What's joy, really?

A Little's Enough

2008-11-25T09:07:00.000-08:00

The only thing that's left to do now is to miss.

No one will ever know how I feel/felt but God Himself.

It cannot be replaced, in any way at all.

It's been far along since the depression kicks in.

Bittersweet.

There's nothing more to say.

For no reason.

2008-11-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

Going through a phase where you feel down for just no reason. Yet it doesn't take away the fact that you are.

I feel. Alone. Yet emotionally stable. Funny.

I think I need more of this to actually find myself. Not that I'm in total lost, but taking a pause in life to look at the directions I'm going, and also back at the path I've taken.

Okay aside from that, I need you guys to let me know more mountain trails that are available for biking within Selangor. Earlier today, I have checked out the trails at Mount Kiara and I find the area pretty impressive, considering how green the place is. I finally feel like home. I can now appreciate the dirt and trees. If only it doesn't rain as much in KL, the soil would be much better.

Another thing is, I'm quite surprised that the mountain biking sport is growing here in KL. Something I never thought I'd see in at least another 20 more years. Pretty proud.

Sigh. All the while, I dread for a break. Now when I'm in one, I still don't feel contented. I don't know what I want.

Seasons

2008-11-07T02:41:00.000-08:00

Can't wait to give it a go in KL!

He dreads to see the familiar.

2008-11-05T19:35:00.000-08:00

In less than two weeks. My flight back to Kuala Lumpur, is what I have been looking forward to since the middle of the year. With much appreciation of having the opportunity to study abroad, a big part of me really longs to be home. Where my family and friend's at.

Just the thought of having to step my foot at KLIA gives me a nervous breakdown. The exciting kind, I mean. I like Perth, but I think I've had enough.

Look forward to seeing familiar faces very soon fellas!

Are we really who we think we are?

2008-11-03T01:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you have one of those moments where you look at a video of yourself in it, and wonder if you actually sound or act like that. It's weird to me, knowing that I might actually be the total opposite of what I actually thought I was all along. People may pass certain judgements on each other, but could they be totally wrong. Wait, it can't be totally wrong. What I meant was being less than 50 percent wrong (if you can actually put a number to it)

It's just insane, having to realize that you actually sound that way or whatever. I've heard it a couple of times from someone else before, and most of the time it's always you appear uglier in the video/reality. By 'appear', I mean anything from the outlook, personality to your ugly tone of voice. Funny?

So for those who accept 'you' for who 'you' are/were, is it really 'you' they're accepting?

Sometimes I look at a video and go, "That's not me, I'm so much more than that" (or something similar. It's always better/nicer/anything more positive than the what you see on the outside.

That said, my family and friends still don't know the real me after all these years?

Guess only God knows who we truely are. Our thoughts, our inner-self.

It's kinda sad. Makes me wanna be alone for the rest of the years. Might as well, cuz who knows you, really?

What say you?

I think I just had an orgasm?

2008-10-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

twentyone.

2008-10-25T15:51:00.000-07:00

What, I'm a visual artist?

2008-10-23T21:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Lam Wai Kit happens to be a visual artist from Hong Kong. Involved in fine arts, new concept of photography and video art. Exhibits work in HK and Italy. Video art. I wonder what that means. Not really exposed to that yet. It's funny seeing your name up on the net when it's someone else. What more if its the opposite gender. Yes, Lam Wai Kit happens to suit this lady from HK.

Here's the site to it.

http://www.waikitlam.com/

That aside, I'm still working out something new. Enough that is appreciated generally by the Malaysian society first, at least. Being subjective is by far what I like doing, so I'll just keep doing that I guess. Where there's logic, there won't be me. I'll see how far can I go with that. At least I'm surviving still.

Raymond

2008-10-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

This one goes to Raymond, who never fails to call me 'sai lou zhai' every year, just because his birthday is one day ahead of mine.

I guess..

2008-10-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

this time, I'm alone in this.

And that it's stupid expressing myself here.

It's easy being the stranger. But once you're the one that's on the wheel, you'd know how much you're getting. You either crash and burn, or you hold on tight and steer your way through survival.

I don't need questions.

I don't need comfort.

I don't need advises.

I don't need hugs.

I always sit and wonder. I would wonder what's wrong with me.

It's like having your most loved ones, taken away from you. Yet there isn't anyone to blame.

No one, but yourself.

Then you wonder, if you'd be strong and cold like you always are.

Or just melt like a hopeless fool and break down in the midst of the crowd.

If you do break down, you hide yourself in a box. Hoping that no one sees you.

Because you feel like no one understands you.

Nobody's advise can be on par with the hit that you get.

It's like hitting rockbottom and your legs are broken.

There are hands stretched out. Plenty. But there're prosthetic arms.

Out of many prosthetic ones, three of em are actually someone's hands.

But you just don't wanna hold on to them.

Because your emotions, is just like the place you belong right now.

Down there. Where you feel most comfortable at.

You switch off the lights. Lay down, hands wide open and water flow down your cheeks.

No sound is heard.

Just silence.

Only your past to reflect on.

Not those familiar faces that you'd expect to see.

Maybe I'm emotional.

Maybe I'm insane.

I need a break.

I need to understand this.

Myself. Others.

All over again.

I don't claim statements like a fool.

But I really feel, that it is going to be long,

Before I find myself again.

Before I'm healed.

Before I find that hand.

If it doesn't,

then I'll curl myself on my make believe bed,

and hide there like an unproductive bastard.

Having all fingers pointing at me. Laughing at me.

Persecuting me.

Despite all that, my eyes are shut tight. Wrinkled from that dry tear of forever.

Lips dried just like draught. Moving like uncertainty.

Another dove comes in my sight. But my eyes are still shut tight.

It came and gave me peace. Gave me what the one hand would give.

But being the unproductive chauvinist, I'd surrender my left hand and did nothing about it.

So much for that.

The softer side.

2008-10-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

I was the happiest kid.

I looked forward to everything.

Taught how to love.

Taught how to care.

Learned how to smile.

Appreciated the simple things.

I wanna go back in time.

Back to 2006.

still not over it. quite yet.

2008-10-15T06:24:00.001-07:00

10 golden rules.

2008-10-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

To Holga or not to Holga?

Roadtrip Record

2008-10-02T03:09:00.000-07:00

Lately, my friends and I went for a 1400km's roadtrip. It was one crazy ride. I think this would be definitely be one of the top three most fun roadtrips I've ever had. Just jottin' this down for my personal preference, so I remember it in the future.

Places/Stops :

New Norcia

Moora

Western Wildflower Farm, Coomberdale

Three Springs

Geraldton

Port Denison

Jingemia Cave

A windmill farm in between stops.

Pinnacles

Jurien Bay

Lancelin

Yancheap National Park

Things we experienced.

Travelling miles and miles in pitch black roads with no cars whatsoever.

Seeing the sky filled with stars like I've never seen it before.

Seeing a mining truck, the biggest truck in the world on the highway.

Seeing dead kangaroos.

Them being careful not to run into kangaroos.

Sandboarding.

Us seeing a Hummer H1, Ian riding it.

Having budget meals in the car, gas station, and in Pinnacles.

Sleeping in the car, with different shifts.

Having to see the better side of Australia, of course.

Seeing windmills. So beautiful.

Being very annoyed at the amount of flies swarming our faces.

Running around freely/illegally on people's crops.

Witnessing a 'UFO'

Ian and Ivan seeing 'ghosts'

Getting to get in a cave which isn't really permitted for outsiders w/o hire.

Breaking Adrian's tripod leaver.

Seeing that many ATV's and dirtbikes for the first time.

Making fun of ourselves.

Two days straight, in the car with Ian, Ivan, and Christobel.

The weather was great, couldn't be any better than those days.

I enjoyed the company, and the budget travel. Loved the whole long road rides.

Praise God for our enjoyment, and most importantly out safety.

Out.

Youtube comments are the funniest.

2008-09-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

And that's cuz some people says things that are completely unrelated, or even if it is, it cracks me up good.

I have habits of watching documentaries on Youtube (why buy them?)

And its documentaries like Ganglands all the way up to things like the Secrets of life/Ancient Knowledge.

There will be always be this jokers who spoils the whole serious vibe, which isn't entirely bad cuz we all could need some laugh every now and then.

So I was watching this episode about the Mysteries of the Sphinx, and there are these two experts, one engineer and another an archeologist. It's amazing to hear out their opinions just because it's so out of what the majority would say/has said.

And its almost not surprising at all to scroll down and read to people debating on each others comments. They could even debate about shit like I don't know, freakin bottles or something, what more about life.

You really pay attention to whatever the expert has to say about what he/she thinks based on blablabla, and I see comments like 'They need to get laid', or 'I feel like I'm in college'. Don't they just make you laugh your head off?

They're not only dumb and make you go wth, but I love them. Youtube will never be the same without people leaving the stupidest shit comments and those never ending arguments. Cheers fellas.

It's all messed up but we're alive.

2008-09-17T03:56:00.000-07:00

i dont want to understand this.

is there more to it, than what i know.

i dont know how to think straight anymore.

God IS.

2008-09-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

It's been heck of a time lately, and I suppose I can say that I've been facing with quite some challenges. Challenges. Sounds like too much of a big deal.

Anyway, I feel completely assured with God providence. Like, all over again. There's just this completely different feeling, when I share my experiences with another. Saying it out, feels completely unfamiliar. Wait, I mean, its so unfamiliar, yet familiar. Sometimes, I very much do things unplanned (I guess that's the whole point) but whenever I come across sharing my belief with another, it just allows me to find myself even more.

There's this channel that allows me to see the me that was three years back. Myself, in that enthusiastic, joyful and assured person. There's nothing more beautiful than knowing that I'm living for Him, and there's more to come.

I get so proud sharing Your truth to others. It's so God-centered, that it's breathtaking. So awesome sometimes I get tongue tied.

God is.

Bloggers far too mainstream.

2008-09-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

Hate to do this to you guys, but I've created another blog account quite some time ago. Been updating a few posts ever since. The only catch is, no one knows. I guess as much I like to be true to you, I find it more interesting spilling my thoughts out to strangers. Not only those who don't have a clue who am I, but also not giving a damn.

I hate to say this, but its getting kinda boring already the whole concept of this blogging propaganda thing where some people say things based on their opinion, and overlooking others and those who kill time making it their online diary. (aren't diaries suppose to be private? if it isn't private, who cares?)

No I'm not finding my 'comfort' in strangers, it's just the mystery in letting myself as an individual out to completely random people out there. Vice versa.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm in this phase of being a total jackass to blogger for its obvious boring writers that bombards me everyday with their ranting and shallow minds with an egoistic tune. Sorry for telling the truth. Wait, my truth.

I don't wanna be a lousy dad.

2008-08-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

Can't help but to realize and be thankful for so many things everyone has given/taught me. My family would be the obvious. It's nice knowing that I have things that are sorted out and taken care for. Not that I would ask for more but it's always funny looking back at the past and ponder on the 'what ifs'.

This hasn't been really at the top of my mind, but it's sorta bugging me to an extend as well. I don't think I'm prepared for life, despite my age. The last vibe I'd wanna let out is the complains. It's not them. It's just, I don't think I'm fit enough to hold certain responsibilities and it sure seems scary. Not so much of a person that would talk down on myself instead look to what can be done in order for things to change. I would look for my options and the possibilities and needs to change.

But I still find it very challenging when it comes down to certain matters. Habits I have been cultivating since the very young age of primary school. Or somewhere close to that period of time. And now its taking its toll on me. I don't wanna be that old man that sounds like he has the wisdom of his age, but still appear in a way he doesn't really live up to the standards he preaches. It's not like I can risks fighting the law of what the world perceives or what I would call as 'nature'. How in my country, there are still things we can't do in order to make a living for but in other states, we can. Why can't I risk my decision and time? Simply because I won't be in this myself and if anything shall come out of it, it will affect others as well. Good or bad.

I feel like I'm not prepared for the world. Or life. I feel too low and dumb now. Hopeless is something really easy to say when it's others, but how many men would really consider calling themselves that? If you don't admit, could you be in denial or could it simply be out of being optimistic about things?

It's getting to me.

I don't wanna make a living doing what I hate doing/don't have my expertise in. I'm too afraid being a dad that my kid cannot look up to. Too afraid of responsibility. But it can't be taught. It has to be practiced. Easy to say. I feel like I'm weird and definitely slow when I kept failing mathematics when it seems so easy to my highschool friends. It's not like I can't reason. I don't get it. Not till today.

Look past our faces.

2008-08-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

I see the beauty in overlooking someone through what they're usually perceived as. No one can see through us till the end of time, not one person but God. I get so excited over churches that gets to the extend of going to punkshows to spread the word. Not saying that your average goodie2 places ain't special, but people would be at least a little bit surprise if the person that reaches out to them is the person they least expect. Let's break those boundaries of thinking we're not worthy enough, or the usual 'not prepared yet' answer as a no. We have a voice. And it won't be in vain. So why hold back?

There's more to it than just that, and that's the point we're trying to make.

If the ultimate atheist in me can surrender, everyone else's can too. Let's look past faces. Let's look past color. Let's look past dressings. Hope doesn't come with a 'but' in the end.

One of the best moments.

2008-08-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

So I'm back again to jot one of the greatest highlights I ever had. Curtin University had an open day/carnival today. There were sign posts labelled 'helicopter rides' and I thought it'd be awesome to ride in one though I still had a little doubt on how true it is. That was literally the first stop I had and I saw a copter on the field. Guess I haven't been excited as a kid since forever. It almost feels like getting into a thrill ride except this, is wayyy cooler.

Adding on to that, I somehow was placed in the front sit next to the pilot. Awesome isn't it! Always wanted to ride on one, but knowing there wasn't going to be a reason to it, guess I won't have the chance for the rest of my life. Not till today though. For a split second before I took off, I thought oh no I'm scared shit of heights and I'm gonna be stiff for the whole time.

All geared up with my headphones, we communicated through the speakers and that was it we took off. It wasn't so scary really. In fact, it's not scary at all. I was soo thrilled it was just, something that's so priceless to me. How the pilot pivot a big turn up in the air leaning onto one side, almost completely sideways was awesome! He wasn't as casual though. He spoke to me like how a usual boeing pilot would speak through the speakers.

Another thing was I saw these three guys suited up in astronaut's outfit and they were riding the buggy around the university. Got to take a photograph with one of em. He must've been having a hard time breathing. It was cool, the outfit. I love it!

You gettin' more than respect.

2008-08-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I'll search for songs that I used to listen. I'm sure you guys do as well. But really, it's the big change that got me thinking. Tracks that came out blasting my ears was just hard music. It was angry. Really angry. Guess back in the days, it sorta gave me the sense of being in control. It still does if I were to dwell in it. Except, I know that being weak is powerful in Him.

I banged my head so hard and long I get high from it. Literally. Nothing got me so pumped up and ready to go. That was what I just what I do on a daily basis. It was an obsession. Headaches and nausea was almost normal. This may sound funny, but it was almost an exercise. Plus, it felt like me. I felt like I'm being heard of. Rockstars were the only ones I look up to. Nothing was in my head back then. No sense of responsibility, guilt, humility, no nothing. Every day is just dark, and filled with anger. I felt like bashing everyone. My parents are loving, never abusive. Never. That also makes me wonder why the anger. Well it was probably the attraction to power. Tracks I listen to often give the vibe, power. There wasn't rationalizing. No one saw that side of me, not that I know of. Like I said, I felt like I belonged to it so that was what I turn to. I thought I was in control of it, but really, it was the other way around. It was eating me. There were definitely moments where I thought, what the hell's wrong with me but the thought always get pushed aside.

There were these phases where I was on the verge on ending my life. I was afraid of living. I failed to convince myself that I can go on living by the day or week in that state. It was just pure failure, what I had. Okay, read this by putting aside my family. It's usual how a state of a child is heavily influenced by how they're brought up but my family played a part that I couldn't ask for more. In fact, they were the ones that made me think that there was actually goodness in life. So back to what I was saying. It was just me. I was so vulnerable to feeling hatred, anger, and loneliness from songs when really, there wasn't a problem at home at all. Like I said, it was eating me alive.

I can choose to blame it partly on being a teen, you just rebel with all your heart and soul for nothing, really. It's natural really. I thought, what would've happen now if I don't know God. The only picture I can imagine now would be myself still seeking for belonging, and being rebellious. Real rebellious.

From the moment I knew God I completely felt like I was being cleanse, spiritually. It was the moment of truth. Moment of humility. I focused more on serving rather than being served. I know where the ultimate power goes to. I've noticed that some friends who're born knowing the Lord just doesn't get the whole vibe of rock music. Like, I don't know how that doesn't attract them at all. Not that it's bad at all. Funny how, they're different in a sense they don't listen to it and feel it like I do. That's how powerful the Lord is. Knowing Him, sets you apart from what the unbelievers commonly shouts.

Series.

2008-08-15T01:18:00.000-07:00

Overlook unfit appearance.

2008-08-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a really far way since God introduced Himself to me. Each and everyone of them taught me a little bit on the basics, but as years past, I see things in such a bigger picture. I can only know and read so much, ask forgiveness for all my sins and continue to believe in Him. There's a reason for the saying, 'God is.' Why, because He is.

Hearing a couple of tracks in the playlist really helped getting myself clear with what I am designed for. I remember getting paranoid about life. Those past phases that I've lived through. It was tiring, and without hope. Listening to these tracks really helped me get back on track, sorta like casual worship slash finding yourself.

I've come to clear thoughts of passing stereotype judgements. After all, what do I know?

Only He searches our hearts. Sadly, yet true, a lot of us determine who's 'fit' to know Him. Let us drop this attitude together, and unite for we're all worth it.

We have fallen uncountable times, but what keeps me going is the change of heart that only He can change within me. I'm in no hallucination, and no state of insanity, I'm just awed by Him. You can call it cliche, though I'm a little aware of it, but as far as cliche can go there needs to be a pinch of truth somewhere, somehow.

We're not afraid,

We're not alone,

We're just losers on this open road,

Can't go back, can't go,

Till we find what we're living for,

It's something good,

It's something more,

Is there anything worth dying for,

Tonight You're all that I need

I believe. In riding them machines.

2008-08-08T00:04:00.000-07:00

Buell XB12Ss, 1125CR and Triumph Speed Triple.

I'm sorry.

2008-08-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

It's not easy having to stumble everytime being faced with temptations. On top of everything, I still have to thank God for these are the opportunities that would reflect my faith and trusts in Him. No, I don't always lead a Christ like character, but in hopes of being closer to Him I constantly stand up from each fall and climb higher one step at a time. The least I can do, is ask for mercy and forgiveness. Being in a constant battle everyday, it's hard keeping my mind one with the Lord although I know He'll always overcome things with me.
If it wasn't for my falls, I'd forget the feeling of wanting to draw closer to Him. There's so much more to this life. To my life. And I know You're always the biggest picture. I want to live for You. Being able to glorify Your name with the words that I speak. Being able to let your creations know that You were and always are ready to accept us if we'd humble ourselves before you. You always place me at the edge, and see me through my decisions. I need You. Yet a lot of times, I prefer to not wait without realizing that You're always there for me.
I look towards other things besides You. I've pushed you aside of the picture time and time again. I utter words that displeases You. Only You see through my heart. I can only kneel now and strap my arms around your knees for I'm deeply sorry.

You've given it all to me. Teach me how to utilize it as You please. I'm deeply sorry. As clumsy I have been with the life you've given me, I wanna prove that I'll do it for You. Search my heart. I'm deeply sorry.

Maturing in the Lord, or just plainly being lost?

2008-07-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'd like to address certain things in this post. Before I start, I wanna say that I might sound very lost and uncertain, but I believe it's that uncertainty that is driving me to looking for an answer.

Honestly, I ask the Lord on the path that I'm leading myself into. Are my opinions in-line with Him? Am I living a satisfactory life only to me, but not to God? What are His expectations of me? A low, scum, like me?

God has revealed tons to me. Just tons, really. I'd rather not pick one out, cuz then it might seem like that's the best I can give. My point is, I can sound all positive. Yet, when I want to be honest (with my own say) it doesn't mean that I'm negative and I'm backsliding. Well, I don't believe so.

I'm very clear that it is, judgements, that lead us to certain conclusions. We need to judge certain things, because we're created with a mind and a have a free will of choice as to how we want to live our lives. Yet, judgements can be so confusing. I have a case, and there are two sides that I'm looking into. I want to be real honest here, because it's my personal space, but it might upset certain group of people. I don't want that to happen, although I don't have any intention whatsoever, of being offensive. I also know, that this issue, can never be resolved, not in a thousand years at least. So I shall be one of the minority with this mindset of having both sides merged together and not judging them for their beliefs.

Most of you won't get this, and should be lost in my sentences about half a minute ago already. I'm just jotting this down, for those who do understand and for myself to reflect back on 2 years from now. I've prayed about this 'issue'. Again, I don't think this IS an issue in my opinion. But it definitely will be to the rest if they'd take a chance/time to hear me out.

I don't wanna sound all righteous, but I really am, tired of judgements, when the people are not being bias and open to the whole big picture. People are so judgemental. This isn't about someone saying something to me or anything. It's just purely my thought, and the spark of this debate in my mind, is really just knowing and feeling the people from both sides. We're different, yet we're the same. Confronting this to others will just upset them and create a huge argument which, of course I'm trying to avoid. So, right now, I can only ask the Almighty. It's such a contrast that we're living in a filthy world and yet having to live a righteous life. See, I might sound lost, but I still don't think I am. I wanna be neutral about this. I wanna talk to someone, who's open enough for a conversation that I'm about to start, because it's big. It's massive. Yet I speak without a bias thought. We're all human beings that are created to reason to a certain extend so know the separation between the right from wrong.

I guess the 'dilemma' here is, that I seem to agree with various groups of people that have completely different mentality and opinion on certain topics. Does that make me uncertain on mine? Do I even have to choose one side, if they seem to clash with each other? Or can I simply agree to em' all? What, God?

Everyone has an opinion. I can come in terms with that. But not many of them can reason, and listen, digest at the same time. Look, we're all good people no matter where we're coming from. Who's to say what's wrong from right? Only God. Each and every human being was created to live their lives, and every single one of us have vast experiences, because of the way we're brought up, and bombarded with the things we see, and hear. If that never happens, will everyone be united?

I praise God for one thing. That I'm able to see and hear from so many different sides, and have to courage to say, "We're all different." That makes no one right. I don't wanna listen to anyone no more.

Come on Father, let me know already. I only want to hear from You. I'm tearing apart.

Ocean Sized Love

2008-07-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

Do you know what lies ahead of you in your life? I certainly do not.
I can only plan, knowing that they might be changed. Circumstances never fail to get in our way, doesn't it?

It's a constant battle, us trying to figure who we really are. What are we. I'm clearly aware, that I may speak on something, only knowing later on that I didn't mean to say it at all. That shows, that we do not know what we're saying a hundred percent of the time. We might take a second before the words we speak, but do we really still know what we're saying? Or how we're saying it?
It's a little bit frustrating, yet it makes myself so open to life. Why is that? For instance, I am extremely aware of the fact, that my expressions on the outside doesn't show half of my expressions in the inside. That alone, taught me not to judge other based on the approach of their communication. There's always this emotion that I'm totally drowned with, yet from on the outside, not one bit of that is seen. I guess this is one of the hundreds and thousands of things that only He can see. It's strange isn't it. Facial expressions isn't neccessarily dependable, based on what we feel. We're all universally the same, yet so unique. Deep down, I believe the real entire me, is the one that I am on the inside, instead of the one at the mirror.

There's just this major suprising thought that I go through whenever others totally get me wrong. Either based on my expressions, or, yeah just that. Or simply by feeling so much desire, or being plain expressive sometimes. That doesn't come across at all through my facial expressions. And I'm pretty sure all of you as well. I always tell myself there's definitely more to you, than just how you always look like, or say things, because I'm aware of the state of that.

I shall name the clearest example. Hatred/anger can be more of the obvious than love, when it comes to identifying it from someone else. Someone could be secretly in love with you, and there's a chance you'll never know. Hatred/anger on the other hand, is obvious because sooner or later you'll just sense it somehow. Then there's that emotion that can never be categorized. I call it, life. Don't bother too much on what I call it, but rather think, do you have mixed emotions that you can never name?

Or even, you don't have to feel that your love emotion has to be catered to someone else. I know I'm just filled with love now. I'd say that its towards the people that I know, the people I don't, God, the high mountains that touch the sky, the broad deserts that streched the Earth like the ocean. See, it doesn't aim to one, but it still exist, and it's real. Could it simply be narrowed down into one single word?
Joy?

Whatever it is, I have to express it one way or another. I can't hold it in, because it's awesome. Just breathtaking!

SIxpence None the Richer.

2008-07-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

I didn't know they're a Christian band, and that their songs have biblical contexts in it till lately.
Leigh Nash, has such a dreamy voice that gets you so lost in it. Gets me thinking how I shouldn't take love for granted. Be sure to check out their songs. (: Later.

Sonny explains why he cut his dreads

2008-07-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

This is a good one, take some time off and listen to it. Everyone has to commit to God, and by that he shows how he can let go something that could be a big part of him, not putting it on top of our creator. Inner change, he says. I suppose its an act of letting himself know that he can let go off anything to God. And I totally agree with him when he says "I would say don't even get em if you don't know what it's about." Enjoy this one.

Also, one of his testimonies that I have just found lately. Testify, Sonny, testify. Very touching. Powerful testimony.

An alone time, makes me smile inside.

2008-07-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

Certain people enjoy the company of more than three or five, to bring the term 'fun' to life. I do, from time to time, enjoy being around a group of friends as well but the I don't treasure my alone time any less. It's that moment of loneliness that allows me to take a break, and run a thousand thoughts in my head. Makes me wonder how the elderly man that was reading the papers, lives his life. Where he's heading off to, and who're his family members. How does the environment affects the lifestyle and mentality of the society. From the way a person dresses, to how those little petty things reflect the uniqueness of each and every individual. Some stood still, calm and quiet as they wait for the next burger to be done. Others walks around, as though trying to fit every single second to make up to 'not wasting time'.

I love lonely moments. They're not as bad, or being any close to that all. Either not having company in that huge crowd, or being completely alone in a dead town, they both apply. Of course I'm not saying, leave me alone, but you know where I'm getting to. It's that movies where you seat alone in the cinemas, and laugh at the jokes, yourself. Or that long train ride that you're in, and that bus ride where no one is apart of besides yourself. Myself. I love it. And to top of, listening to Third Eye Blind's. Yes, the songs from the 90's. Where it all haven't gone wrong yet.

All these moments, I never fail to appreciate. It lets me have my moment where I get to know myself more, and the society. Not forgetting, how amazing God is that He's breathes life into us. Those quite moments, where I say nothing but have little chatter with myself. Hence, the dreamer.

Jekyll and Hyde

2008-07-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

Still can't comprehend or even begin to understand, that it's only three years, since I've been exposed to Christianity. Maturity in Christ, is very much different from maturity, generally. Maturity in Christ, in my opinion so to speak is not only having better depth of understanding of the word, but our faith as well. The beauty of how faith grows, simply reflects how wonderful God is. Throughout the three years, not only I begin to feel more and more, of God's grace and mercy but also have seen how man can feel a total abandonement and no regards for life without God. We all have our down moments, but with enough strength and knowing there is hope, we continue to live this adventurous life. Three years may seem like ages, but honestly, I can't wait for more to come.

Which also prompts me to say, that from my experience, I strongly believe that living a Christian life is in most definite the most adventurous one. Forget the thrill of sky diving, or being in that screaming F1 car that roars at its turn. Before March 2005, I don't see what prayers are for. Seemed like a tool for lunatics to use, in order to get some false hope. I now completely have a different say. Prayer is just the most wonderful thing. It reflects how a man humbles before himself, asking his creator for guidance and a way that fulfills his journey with a purpose. It shows how beneath every man, there has been moments of desperation, and that a longing for hope. You can choose to look at it as a weakness, but I choose to view it as a complete beauty. Weakness before the Lord, is strength, and that concludes it.

When I see pass the outward of a being, I see a creation. And that has to be the most wonderful thing of all.